THE scene opens inside a large room in the centre of which is
a table, and seated around the table are several aspiring and
perspiring students of Map Reading and Intelligence. The top
of the table is covered with military maps and the various impedimenta
of the intelligentzia, such as protractors, romers, dividers,
compasses, pencils (plain and coloured) etc.
Over all this presides the Coy. I.O. (Intelligence Officer),
Lieutenant L-. The Lieutenant is practically a walking storehouse
of office equipment and can be relied upon to produce at the
critical moment any given article from his stock, such as
Posh Pencils, Perfect Notebooks, or Pukka Protractors. After
looking at his Gold Wrist Watch, the Lieutenant (or I.O.)
deems it the proper time to begin the begin. He produces his
Gold Propelling Pencil and proceeds to draw natty little Diagrams
on pretty Posh Paper, very much to his own satisfaction, whilst
the Class looks on with Proper Respect at this evidence that
the Gold Standard is still with us.
There is a general settling down, cigarettes are produced
("No, have one of mine, this time") and lit, by
kind permission of the
I.O., earnest heads are bent over Maps, and the impression seems
to be of War Chiefs in Council just before Zero Hour!
Perhaps the one bright example in this group of highly efficient
Efficiency experts is Private F- . Howls of derisive laughter
greet the attempts of Private F-. to make a simple mathematical
calculation. Undeterred, however, by this ill-timed scoffing,
Private F-. carries on with his abstruse calculations, poring
over a large sheet of paper on which rows of figures, hieroglyphics
and mysterious lines and angles may be discerned.
After taking away the first number he thought of, multiplying
by the enormous number of Parades he has attended, and subtracting
the number of miles he has crawled on his stomach (before
going into voluntary exile with the Coy. Intelligence) Private
F-. is able to announce in triumphant tones that the True
Bearing of the church at "Y" from the Pub at "X"
is 140 deg.!
When confronted with Awkward Questions he shows an uncanny
skill in Evasive Tactics - amounting almost to genius which
allows time for some other ambitious pupil to answer FIRST!