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tellin' me wot to do?" asked a strange voice. "I bain't got no perishin' cat, and if I 'ad I bainít exercisin' it at three o'clock of a Sunday mornin' to please yo nor nobody. Yo buzz off!"


On one of our Battalion Exercises, one Platoon in Attack had to cross a stream which was about ten feet wide. The Platoon Sergeant, who knew how to deal with such obstacles, produced a long rope. After several attempts, he managed to loop this over a thick branch of a tree which overhung the stream. By this means the men swung themselves over and returned the rope for the last remaining man. He made rather a sloppy take-off and, missing the opposite bank by a matter of inches, swung back into mid-stream. In his excitement he let go the rope and in he went up to his neck in extremely muddy and odoriferous liquid.

Hearing the man's appeal for help and statements that he was "ruddy well drownin'", the Platoon Commander suggested to his Sergeant that someone should be sent back to lug the poor fellow to safety. "Don't worrit yerself abaert 'im sir" replied the Sergeant. "If 'e cor git ourt of a bit o' muck like that be 'isself, 'e bain't no ruddy use to we."


During one of our earlier Night Ops. a Platoon in Reserve was making itself as comfortable as possible on a Railway siding. To obtain a little protection from the icy blast one Section climbed into some trucks which were loaded with iron girders. The following was overheard from one of the trucks:

"Blimey, Serg., ain't it perishin' code? I cor ruddy well get to sleep for me teeth a-chatterin' and me blinkin' kneecaps a-ditherin'." After about ten minutes the same voice again: "Serg., I've got the ruddy pewmonia comin' on, I'm that code."

"Pull another gaerder over yer and shurrup," answered the Sergeant.


An Officer's wife was responsible for the following: "Whenever I hear those heavy Home Guard boots crunching their way up the path at night, I know it's my husband coming home from where he hasn't been."


The lecturer at a Coy. H.Q. had been talking for the best part of two hours, and his discourse had been a little "above the heads" of his audience. At the close of the lecture, the Coy. Commander thanked him in a few well-chosen words. He said how very much everyone had enjoyed his most instructive lecture. He went on to say that if anyone wished to ask any questions, he felt sure the lecturer would be only too pleased to answer them.              (......continues.....)