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tellin' me wot to do?" asked a strange
voice. "I bain't got no perishin' cat, and if I 'ad
I bainít exercisin' it at three o'clock of a Sunday mornin'
to please yo nor nobody. Yo buzz off!"
On one of our Battalion Exercises, one Platoon
in Attack had to cross a stream which was about ten feet
wide. The Platoon Sergeant, who knew how to deal with such
obstacles, produced a long rope. After several attempts,
he managed to loop this over a thick branch of a tree which
overhung the stream. By this means the men swung themselves
over and returned the rope for the last remaining man. He
made rather a sloppy take-off and, missing the opposite
bank by a matter of inches, swung back into mid-stream.
In his excitement he let go the rope and in he went up to
his neck in extremely muddy and odoriferous liquid.
Hearing the man's appeal for help and statements
that he was "ruddy well drownin'", the Platoon
Commander suggested to his Sergeant that someone should
be sent back to lug the poor fellow to safety. "Don't
worrit yerself abaert 'im sir" replied the Sergeant.
"If 'e cor git ourt of a bit o' muck like that be 'isself,
'e bain't no ruddy use to we."
During one of our earlier Night Ops. a Platoon
in Reserve was making itself as comfortable as possible
on a Railway siding. To obtain a little protection from
the icy blast one Section climbed into some trucks which
were loaded with iron girders. The following was overheard
from one of the trucks:
"Blimey, Serg., ain't it perishin'
code? I cor ruddy well get to sleep for me teeth a-chatterin'
and me blinkin' kneecaps a-ditherin'." After about
ten minutes the same voice again: "Serg., I've got
the ruddy pewmonia comin' on, I'm that code."
"Pull another gaerder over yer and
shurrup," answered the Sergeant.
An Officer's wife was responsible for the
following: "Whenever I hear those heavy Home Guard
boots crunching their way up the path at night, I know it's
my husband coming home from where he hasn't been."
The lecturer at a Coy. H.Q. had been talking
for the best part of two hours, and his discourse had been
a little "above the heads" of his audience. At
the close of the lecture, the Coy. Commander thanked him
in a few well-chosen words. He said how very much everyone
had enjoyed his most instructive lecture. He went on to
say that if anyone wished to ask any questions, he felt
sure the lecturer would be only too pleased to answer them.